I just got back from seeing the medic and I have to take 800mg of motrin every 4-6 hours for my back. Why? Because I threw my back out trying to LIFT THE CARE PACKAGE I GOT FROM MY DEPARTMENT!!! Holy shit. I about died when I opened it. Let's see, where shall I start. Well, for openers, the baked goods are gone, Alicia and Nate. I squirreled away enough for me and then the others tore apart the remains, because I get the lions share. Awesome banana and cranberry bread, and my motor sergeant from another group pretty much announced that the snicker doodles were his. Peanut butter cookies? Gone. Those delicious oyster crackers? Never had a chance. The bakery items look like Walmart after a hurricane-nothing left. Thanks Alicia, those were delicious! Nate, make sure momma takes care of that ankle of yours.

I also got 2 tickets to the Halloween Monster Mash which said "No Rain Checks". Any chance I can use a "No Dust Check" on that? I had to laugh when I saw that because I know you were when you put those in their, Luke and Mark. Nice.

Marcus Tyrone Abdullah Save the People of the World Mohammad Pankow, Ted Nugent was played all last night and this morning. I just kicked back and dreamt of sitting in my stand whilst Great White Buffalo and Hibernation was playing. Nate, when I get a chance to enjoy an NA Clausthaler, I will throw in some DKM and some Molly, so I can at least imagine Im having a session w/out the hangover...

Mel and Nano, great pic. Mel, that was a beautiful dress you were in. Im sure you chose that because:

a) it looks great,

2) Nano liked it, and

d) it hides the size of your feet.

Again, Im truly sorry to hear about hound dog. He's watching over you and I know he will make himself known every time you guys hit an ice cream stand. Congrats on getting married, you guys really look great.

Lynda, I cant say thanks enough for this package. I have it only half unpacked and I can actually set up a defense in my room and outlast any attacker since I have huge food supply to live on. Again, I cant thank you enough for this package. Thanks.

Bob, thanks for getting it to me. Did Radies have to rent a van to get it to the post office? It took a week, which surprised me. I appreciate it.

If I forgot anyone, I am truly sorry ahead of time. I have so much stuff in there I was awestruck...

By the way, I am officially licensed by the Army to drive an ATV. Hopefully Ill be able to send pics soon...

Here's a quick story from last night. We were talking about Bigfoot ( of course...) and I had a couple of guys from my team reading from the website (bfro.net...mel, youve seen it) Well these guys started to really get into it. After awhile, near closing time, I had to really take a piss so I headed outside. it is pitch black and I figured I wasnt gonna go the full distance, so I scurried into the shadows so I wouldnt have to explain to anyone, no, I'm not trolling for cubscouts out here, Im actually taking a piss. As I am in the shadows, and constantly aware of my surroundings (because thats the type of cop I am...) I just happen to see one of my soldiers come out behind me, but he doesnt see me. He starts walking out of my view and I finish up my business. I am still lingering in the shadows and I here this BANG! then footsteps running as I walk into some light. Here comes this guy running down the road. I say to him, "What are doing?" and he's like, " Im scaring someone." And he's pretty happy about the fact that he hit the shitter with a rock in near pitch blackness and was able to get away scott free. I said, "Well, who are you scaring?" and he looks at me and recognizes me, his shoulders sag and has this totally defeated look on his face and says, " aw shit, sir....you." I look at him and I say, "Nice job, I think I wet myself..." We both laughed pretty hard at that point. Of course the rest of the guys inside thought it was even funnier...

I will be on and off this site do to my workload, so if it appears that you are neglected, you are not. Just have my hands full right now. Everyone, stay safe, no matter where you are, because I sure as hell am. Got things to do when I get back...

Dont be afraid to hit me up with hunting stories. Ed, Lynda told me ya had to change your shorts when ya got that bear...

See ya in the funny papers

Sl'ainte

me

Well, I havent written for awhile, but based on recent events, you know why...

So, back to business. Have had some great stories come my way from guys who have metIraqi kids and have wanted to talk to them and see how they are. You would think that there would be alot of questions asked about different cultures and what life is like in the US and what life is like in Iraq. US culture is here, but in a funny way. One of my buddies came back and said he was in a marketplace when one of the kids came up to him and said, and this is no shit, "Hello brother from another mother!" My buddy was like," Um, what?" And the kid repeated himself,"Hello brother from another mother." He was like WTF? Then to press matters further, another chucklehead walks up and says, in excellent milspeak," What the f$%k, over?" Which is a term we use in varying degrees around the Army. So he says hey, keep it down you dont say that there are women around here. Of course, the kid repeats himself. Its just like being in the US, at times, and some times the only thing you can do is laugh...

Well, my commo sarge is having the running argument with his computer again. Must be sausage fingering it, because he is arguing with the computer and this appears to be a losing battle...

I would venture to say that given the chance of harboring grown men, at least physically, in an environment like this, there is a certain type of regression mentally. That being said, it is the proverbial locker room here. Toilet humor, shower humor, or locker room humor is the norm rather than the exception here. Anybody who walks in is a prime target, regardless of who you are. Sometimes you are able to get a fire for effect cut in on someone, sometimes you are the recipient of steel on steel. But because of my rapier wit and childish humor, I usually emerge the victor, of which nobody can respond. Im trying to think of a case in point where I was on the losing end, but those have been so few and far between I cant remember. I KNOW there are a few who have smoked me, I just cant think of any right off the top of my head. But in regards to the humor, you have to expect it goes down to dick jokes and poop jokes and whatever other bodily functions we are discussing at the moment. Alot of times prison sex is used, which of course, is the still the standard reference to anything. Because, well, ya know ...

My oldest son's honesty and lack of corruption made me realize what is important to me. Mom told him I was having a bad day the other day and he asked why. I told him I was just having a bad day. He then asked if I had an owie and I said yeah. He then asked if it was a bad owie and I said yeah, daddy has a bad owie. He asked, "well, how did you get it? Did you trip?" I said yeah I tripped. "Daddy, did you bruise your knee?" So rather than tell him the truth and have him worrying about me, I said yes, I bruised my knee. He then asked if it had turned black, and I said yes daddy bruised his knee. Then, knowing his father, he asks," Daddy, did you spill your coffee?" I burst out laughing and the phone center looked at me like I was crazy. Sometimes it takes a four year old to put things in perspective...

Speaking of the phone center, I was calling the wife the other night. I was on an old office chair like, well, that is used in an office. It had 5 plastic legs which were supposed to have rollers on them but they are since long gone. So I am talking to the wife and I start leaning back to get more comfortable, with my intention of leaning against the wall. Im still talking and leaning and then SNAP! I land on my back feet over my head, but still talking on the phone. The chair leg skitters across the floor and stops at some one elses feet. Everyone, yes everyone is looking at me and some are moving to see if I am alright. I wave them off, signaling I am fine. I raise myself off of the floor and dust myself off and readjust the chair and sit back down. The wife asks what happened and I tell her I was leaning back and the chair broke. There is the pregnant pause, and then she asks," Arent you supposed to be on a diet?" It never fails...

See ya in the funny papers.

Sla'inte

I like to eat. No really, I love food. Since we were busy tonight I stayed behind and made sure everyone got chow before I did, so I had my Ops sergeant grab me a plate. Lemme back track. I have been getting back into shape and hitting the weights as I have said before and I have turned my diet around. Well, at least its no more cop food and soda, but chicken and vegetables and the occasional Baskin Robbins. I gotta cheat somewhere here...get off me. But I have been recovering from a really terrible accident. An accident which was easily preventable but I was careless and now it cost me dearly. An accident which knows no horror...

I accidently got fat.

I have been working on getting back to my fighting weight, not my original weight ( 8 lbs, 11 oz ) and that would only happen if I got cremated. So my ops sergeant brings back BBQ chicken and macaroni. Now mind you, I have realized I am in a third world country and I should do as much as the sailors did during the glory years of the masted schooners and eat at night so you could not really see what you are eating. I...made...the mistake... of looking at my chicken. Lemme preface this by I am still used to KFC and huge plump white breast that cannot be beat. This was dry so I started to peel it apart. As I did this, I noticed black spots in the breast. But this is only after I am half way through the breast. Anyone ever have bluegill or crappie? Its much the same look, yet I dont know why this has bothered me. Not that I didnt technicolor yawn right there, but then I began to think: since I am trying to get away from youth-extra husky size and have increased the protein supplements and intake into my diet, could this be the reason I have been shitting through cheescloth the last week? Im assuming I wont get trichnosis or some time of spongeoform type CWD, but they were little black spots all over the breast. Crap I tell myself, why did I look? I finished the mac and cheese and then threw the rest out...

Went to a bigger base to get checked out today. Apparently I had some "problems" with my hydraulics, and was causing me a lot of discomfort. I thought maybe I had a torsion pull or even more, a hernia, so I had to have the judge and jury looked at. Had to. Cant be running around looking like a ken doll, can I? Still want people to think when I am walking behind them I have flip flops on. Of course, as I walk into the clinic, they are like ,"Oh sir, we have been waiting for you." And she is female. Ya know, I am like great, the whole damn clinic is gonna see big Sid and the twins in all their non-glory, cold water shrinkage, not ready for prime time playing. But luckily, I was ushered off to the side where the short arm inspection takes place. Nothing upon first inspection, so I have to get an ultrasound. Can I be any more humiliated? Just wait. As I get semi undressed, and positioned and the table, the ultrasound tech comes in and says OK sir , your gonna have to lift this ( ok use 2 hands...) and then move this ( no both hands again sir) I have to slide a towel under and pull up something else. Perfect, right there. The proverbial, "this is gonna be cold" comment is uttered and sure enough it is. The next comment out of his mouth, and this is no shit, is, "So how is your day going?" Im like I'm on my back, junk in one hand, junk in the other, feeling like I am posing for a Paul Reubans (of Pee Wee Herman fame) family portrait, and he asks me that. I'm like, " Umm, good, I think. Youre kidding right?" If there were to be any sort of malfunction, such as the exam light breaking off its mount and hitting me in the head or a surge in the generators to cut me in half with the ultrasound, why couldnt it have happened now, this very minute? God has a sense of humor, and I know now someone is out to get me. Definitely not a Kodak moment...

Everything turned out fine, I just have a problem with one of the fittings in there and some antibiotics will clear it up and motrin will dull the pain. Every single soldier I saw when I got back was like, " Sir, uh, you, uh...is everything...ummm, well ya know, he he, um, your not in any kind of trouble down there, are you, sir?" I was like oh hell no, and I explained what had happened. If you could see the look of relief on everyones face, it was priceless, not because the problem is uniquely mine, but because every male HAS THEM and any type of injury or damage TO THEM is shared and understood by the kindred spirit of all males...

Yep. And then the jokes started...

See ya in the funny papers,

Sl'ainte

OK, nights gets a little mundane and boring if and when it ever gets quiet here. All sorts of things going, but there is one thing I can count: the recurring war between my commo NCO and his computer. It never fails that when things need to be taken care of, the computer routinely decides to take its time, much to the chagrin of my NCO. It seems that, literally, every 3 minutes there is an outburst of somesorts, usually condemning the computer and the marital status of the computer's mother. Its pretty good. And then, after the intitial out burst, he usually insinuates that there is now a relationship between the computer and the computer's mother. Which, of course, brings guffaws from us. Like just now, since he is complaining about it operating by itself, and has referred to male prison relationships at San Quentin. He has to ask,"You're not using my name, are you?" And I said no, all the good porn names have neen used, so your SOL. he has since told me, refering to the old adage of your pet's first name and the first street you have lived on, it would be Butch G. Mine would be Gus Curlew, my Ops NCO would be Buddha Briar, and there is a Corky McKeon, Blue Park, Lucifer Jarvis. Yes, sometimes we do have to kill some time, and like the old saying goes, idle hands are the devil's playground.

Got my hooch officially set up. And it is darker than a well diggers a-hole in their, but I have it screened off so I have about 1/3 of the tent. Hold on, I swear half tis shift has Turrette's and ADD. Its a madhouse, and it is so easy to get people off subject. Take, for example, last night. We have the best coffee now ( thanks dad, I have Dix and Annie sending more. We gotta have an addicition since there is no alcohol allowed in theater. A BIG NO NO!!!) So we switch to the legal stuff. Any how, I grind up a pot last night and am patiently waiting for it to brew. We are burning the old one out so we can use the new one. So I sit my big behind down and I am doing whatever it is I do here. So I hear my coms guy go, "Hey sir, where do you keep thgrinder at?" And Im like why? He says, "Because I need to make coffee." Im like dude, I just made some. He says no ya didnt, sir. Im like look, goofy, I just finished and it should be brewing. He looks at me and says, "Sir, the pot is empty and the grounds are wet." Trying to keep from killing this fine NCO that he is, I walk over and show him how the water reservoir is FULL on the coffee pot. "But, sir. There is no water in the pot and the coffe grounds are wet." Im like noshit, ya think maybe it was starting? So he throws his hands up. " Thats it. I'm done. i'm banishing myself from the coffee pot." I said good cuz Im tired of drinking that bilge water anyhow. SO now he is up to speed on how make coffee with out messing it up. Trust me. Its the little things that keep you going...

Sl'ainte

I dont know if any of you have been over here, but in the mornings, well 5 times a day, you can hear the mosques belching out their call to prayer. Its really eerie at first hearing this voice singing, if I can call it that, and calling the faithful to prayer. Especially when you are walking through the camp at night. For whatever reason, it just kinda freaks ya out. Sometimes I tell myself they are watching me and everytime I walk they're singing, " Take the big ugly one! Take the big ugly one!" Sometimes I have alot of time on my hands to think about nothing that matters...

Its like a ghost town here. The unit we have replaced has bugged out, heading home for good in a few days. Its been 3 weeks here, and the time flies. There is NO ONE around. When they started loading up, you would think that a damn bomb went off, there was so much stuff around. Chairs, rugs, boxes, hangers, food, you name it, it was all over the place. ANd stacked a mile high. My predecessors who fought in WWII and Korea were gone for anywhere from 1 to 4 years. We are gone 14 months and its like they headed to busses like gang busters, 2 lines, no waiting. I worked out and then crashed, there was silence. They were gone. Which kinda sucks because as they taught us the ropes here, we've had some time to learn about them and what they did in the civilian world. There are some characters here, or were. The best is their operations officer, who made it implicitly clear that when Sherman marched to the sea, as he was going through South Carolina, THERE WAS A WISCONSIN UNIT LEADING THE WAY!!! I said you are a bitter man. I told him hey, at least I know not to call it the Civil War, but the war of Northern Aggression. We were instant friends after that. I started to ask what they were fixin to do all the time, and then I would talk real fast around them. They'd say what? So I would say damn, I forgot, youre from the South so I gotta talk slower. Then I said, " I know y'all dont read real well down south, so I will write real slow, OK?" I think they took a liking to me after awhile. You almost have too...

They still can't believe we will drill through 3 feet of ice to fish. They are in complete awe of the seasonal shanty towns that show up on lakes all over Wisconsin during the winter.

I bought a PS2 today, and the reason was twofold. Yes, I know I am 37 years old and buying a video game, but it also has DVD capabilities, so I am set and actually saved money. Besides, the enlisted talk smack all the time about how good they are, so the old man is gonna have a class on video games. Which leads me to my childhood. The first video game I ever had was an Atari 2600. Tank, Donkey Kong, and Galaga were the big names back then. I got this used when I was 15. Before that, I explored all the time. When I lived in Green Bay, we had a golf course behind us. I met my first "superstars" back then, 3 Dog Night. That was pretty cool. Then they sold the golf course and put in houses. We used to crawl through houses all the time. Of course, that wasn't good enough so we had to start unplugging the saws that the carpenters were using, pissing them off. This usually resulted in getting chased, sometimes by a bucket loader. There was always the throwing apples at cars, which lead to some really big foot chases. Thank god we knew the neighborhood. the most fun we had was Road Hog. We would get equal number of kids, half on bikes the other on foot, and the bikes had to run the kids on foot over, and then we would switch. Nobody really got hurt. Really. This was also the time when Evel Knievel was big, which lead to jumping garbage cans on our bikes. That usually resulted in ALOT of bruises and some pretty good cuts. Im assuming that eventually lead my foray into BMX and subsequently motocross...

Enough for tonight...

Sl'ainte

OK, life is really strange sometimes. Got to see my first scorpion last night, probably about 5" long. I WAS NOT IMPRESSED!!!! I hate spiders and now these damn things. UGH! Thank god my bunk is about 5 feet in the air. I would freak if I ever saw one of those in my tent. Anyhow, I get done working out after shift. A pretty good work out, I must say, but of course the tendonitis flares up again. So I figure I got some time to kill and head over to the MWR (Morale,Welfare, and Recreation) tent to see if I can catch a movie before I crash. I walk in and a former solider of mine says, "Hey, sir, did you see Vince Vaughn?" So I am looking at the big creen TV to see if he is on or not and I ask what movie is on. He says, "No right over there." Of course, like any body who is used to thousands of lines of BS, especially here, I say, " shut the ef up." And they say, "GD sir, look right over there." So there is this very tall gentleman standing there shaking hands, and I walk up, and, holy shit, Vince Vaughn of Wedding Crashers, Old School, and Dodge Ball (my favorite is an older movie, Clay Pidgeons) is 2 feet away from me. I'm like, alright I gotta be seeing things, maybe I need an IV bag. But, sure as shit, there he is. Apparently there was a line, which I didnt see, so I walked up and said hey, my name is dave, you here to run a mission with us? Vince is like, nah, Id probably get in the way. Im like well you could work the radio and he started laughing. We talked for like 5-10 minutes and then I asked if I could get my picture with him. I said I had to get my camera, so I left and came back. My camera of course didnt work, but a friend of mine had his available so I had my picture taken with him. I'll send it out here in a minute. Vince, if I can call him that, came over, unannounced and by himself and wanted to say thanks to the troops. This guy is way laid back and very personable. I talked a little bit more with him and asked him if he liked fishing and he said yes. I told him we got some monsters in northern wisconsin and he said he'd love to go. So I said, hey, Ill get word to your people and we can go when I get back. The chances of that happening are slim to none, but I wasnt gonna pass on the chance to ask someone fishing. So Mark, get them hooks sharpened for next year, we got a third when we go.

I know Hollywood has really been down on this whole deal over here, but it makes me feel good that there are certain people who in very, how would you say, public positions that are over here thanking us. It is people like yourselves who make this time away from my family very endurable. Thanks for the kind words, packages, and letters I have been getting. Its nice to hear from home evry know and again.

Dad, got the T's and another gift. There is an organization called a Knife for a Soldier. When I opened my box, there was a nice folding Ka Bar inside that had been donated from Allen and Debbie Rodgers of Birmingham, Alabama, and now its attached to my pocket for easy access. This was developed through a company in cooperation with Brigade Quartermasters. Very nice knife and alot of thoughts and prayers from Allen and Debbie. I emailed them a pic and they said they has recieved several e mails, but no pics so I am the first to give them one.

Additionally, I have been on Ted Nugents website, and there is a family from East Peoria, IL who have made me a part of theirs. Bob, Aime and Kodi Mc Mullen had placed a picture of a beagle puppy on the site to be named. I didnt know they were Irish ( faith and begorrah to them)at first, but immediately thought of the name Duffy, for a golden retriever puppy we saw in Door County. I mentioned it to them and it shot to the top of the list, and low and behold, his new name is Captain Duffy McMullen. I am thrilled!!! He is just the cutest little pup and the rabbits have been given proper notice. Also, Kodi, their daughter, scored her first "tree rat" which looked to be as large as a cat! Kodi's nickname should be Annie Oakley now, or Carlos Hathcock, the famed Marine sniper. Great shot, I think they will think twice about raiding any birdfeeders in the area. they have since said I am a part of the family and I do appreciate the "adoption"...

thats all from the desert...

Sl'ainte

Had a bit of an experience yesterday. I had a computer class after my shift which lasted until noon. After I crawled into bed, I figured out I had to go to the bathroom, so I was kinda restless. All of a sudden BOOM!!! My bed shook. I was like what the @#$% was that??? It was pretty quiet, and I wasn't sure exactly what happened. I woke my roommate up and said, hey man, I think there was an explosion. He, of course is like, man, you'd better not be @#$%in with me, I said no Im serious. So we ventured out of the tent, albeit cautiously. There were others standing around wondering the same thing. Nothing really else came of it at that point. So we went back to bed. When I came in for my shift, they're like oh yeah, there was an old shell found in a farmers field from either world war one or world war two that was safely detonated. Im like like ya think they coulda called. They called it a controlled detonation. I almost called it an uncontrolled discharge in pants, it surprised me that bad. But that is still very common in Europe. They still have ordinance that they find in the farm fields and farmers will find old hand grenades. There was a French farmer that found one, brought it inside his house and put it on his fireplace mantle. Well, needless to say when he was building a fire one night, it fell off and, well, he aint farming no more....